100+ Short Funny Office Quotes and Sayings – Inspire Quotes
Short Funny Office Quotes
“A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.” —Anonymous
“Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.” —Huey Long
“The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.” —Unknown
“Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald.” —Anonymous
“The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.” —Anonymous
“Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking.” —Anonymous
“An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.” —Unknown
“I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours.” —Oscar Wilde
“HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.” —Unknown
“A banker lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.” —Unknown
Funny Office Quotes
“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.” —Unknown
“His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.” —Arthur Baer
“Any organization is like a septic tank. The really big chunks rise to the top.” —John Imhoff
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” —Unknown
“Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.” —Patrick Murray
“If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn’t have a job if he was smarter.” —Albert Grant
“I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.” —Anonymous
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.” —Joey Adams
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth–even if it costs him his job.” —Samuel Goldwyn
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” —Robert Orben
Humorous Office Quotes
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” —William Archibald Spooner
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen
“The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.” —Dwight Morrow
“Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.” —Anonymous
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” —Claude McDonald
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” —Charles Lamb
“I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.” —Clarence Darrow
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.” —Bove’s Theorem
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” —Bertrand Russell
“I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.” —Dorothy Gish
“Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.” —Anonymous
“Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.” —Theodore Roosevelt
“If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.” —Cannon’s Law
Office Sayings about Work
Going forward: From now on. In the future.
Learn the ropes: Learning the basics of something.
Ball-park figure: A rough numerical estimate or approximation
Touch base: Briefly make or renew contact with someone.
Take it to the next level: to make something better.
Win-win: A situation or result that is beneficial/good for everyone (involved).
Think outside the box: Thinking differently, creatively, outside of normal possibilities.
Downsizing: make (a company or organization) smaller by eliminating staff positions.
In the pipeline: Something being in process, in queue.
Raise the bar: To expand the limits and reach for the top.
No-brainer: Something that is obvious and easy to comprehend with no effort.
Power to the elbow: Getting additional backup information to make your case stronger.
Give 110%: To give beyond the standard, to exceed expectations. Mathematically, irrational expression!
It is what it is: To mean, “It is not going to change”.
Curiosity killed the cat Being inquisitive can lead you into an unpleasant situation.
It takes two to tango Actions or communications need more than one person
Hit the nail on the head: Being 100% accurate in saying or doing something.
Paradigm Shift: An overused term since last century, to mean “fundamental change”, “critical adjustment”.
Back to the drawing board: To start something all over again from the planning process/stage.
Hit the nail on the head Do something exactly right, hitting the right target.
Barking up the wrong tree: Looking in the wrong place. Accusing the wrong persons
Reach out: Attempt to communicate. Metaphorically to move forward or upward in order to touch.
Down the Road: At a further, later, or unspecified point. Similar to down the line.
Let’s circle back: Is an expression for “Let’s discuss this issue at a later time”.
Bite the bullet: An expression for “Make the tough decision” “take a difficult step”’.
Best of breed: Used to describe the best representative of a breed, a category, a product.
Let’s hit the ground running: To be immediately ready to work when a new activity starts.
Open the kimono: A Japanese term for accurately sharing all the necessary and relevant and information.
Benchmark: is a standard measure or point of reference against which things are compared or assessed.
Let’s take it offline: Instead of randomly saying that, mention specifically, “After the meeting, during the break”.
Drastic times call for drastic measures: When you are extremely desperate you need to take extreme actions.
Push the envelope: To push something to the limit or extend the limits of what is possible.
We can’t boil the ocean: Is to express an unreasonable task, or an impossible situation.
At the end of the day: Unless it is really the end of the day, say ”Finally”, “Ultimately”.
My hands are tied: The inability to take any action. You can still run your mouth I guess!
Don’t count your chickens before the eggs have hatched: Do not make plans for something that might not happen.
Let’s take a deep dive: to understand in depth to find the inner sense or hidden (not so obvious) information.
Let the cat out of the bag: To reveal information that was previously concealed. I never knew pets were allowed here.
Let sleeping dogs lie: Let a situation be as it is – since any disturbance would result in trouble or complications.
I have a lot on my plate: Having more work or responsibilities beyond one’s capability. Then please take a bigger plate next time.
Bite off more than you can chew: Undertake a task that is way too big. I was just improving my productivity in eating.
The fact of the matter is this basically says, “What you’ve presented until now was not fact and I’m about to correct you.”
Move the needle: Make noticeable difference or significant progress in something. Everybody wants to “move the needle,” but without direction this is a waste.
Scalable: The capability of a process to handle a growing amount of work. Or a potential to be enlarged to accommodate that growth.
Beat around the bush: Avoiding the main topic. Not speaking directly about the issue. That’s what happens when I ask for a raise or promotion.
The bottom line: Meaning, the essential point, inference from something, (also, Bottom line refers to a company’s net earnings, net income or earnings per share (EPS).
The elephant in the room (or corner): A large obvious issue, everyone is aware of, but no one wants to talk about it (a sore spot).
Golden parachute: It is an agreement between a company and an employee (usually upper executive) specifying that the employee will receive certain significant benefits if employment is terminated.
Feel a bit under the weather: Slightly ill. 2 words are more comprehensible and time-saving than the 6-word phrase and there you are speaking all about being productive.
Best thing since sliced bread: A good invention or innovation. A good idea or plan. Wait what, didn’t you ask us to think outside the box and be creative?
Throw him/her under the bus: “to betray or sacrifice a person, particularly for the sake of one’s own advancement, or as a means of safeguarding one’s own interests”. Source
Synergy: Basically just a buzz word for team work. The combined effort and result of two or more organizations or people is greater than the sum of their separate effects.
Take with a grain of salt: This means not to take what someone says too seriously. Would you mind a sugar cube? Cos that’s what is best for my coffee.
Ball is in your court: It is up to you to make the next decision or step, (it took a while to realize that we were playing a game).
Read between the lines: To understand something that is not obvious or something that is not directly communicated. I read between the lines and all I see is empty white space.
Back to square one: To go “back to square one” means to start something over again. This is the reason, I’ve never been able to get out of the box and (think outside the box)
360-degree thinking: It is a way to maximize success and minimize failure. Thinking from all perspectives and people (public, customers, and clients) with empathy. Considering the effects and repercussions of your actions before committing to them. More here
Low-hanging fruit: To pick an easy task or anything that is easily attainable (with little effort). I wish you could pick the low hanging fruit and try to make your speech simple and less complicated.
Net–net: is a value investing technique developed by Benjamin Graham in which a company is valued based solely on its net current assets. More here. In general, the term is used to infer the final result of something. Ex: Net-net what do we have pending?
The 80-20 rule: It is a rule of thumb that states, “80% of outcomes can be attributed to 20% of all causes for a given event”. In business, the 80-20 is often used to point out that 80% of a company’s revenue is generated by 20% of its total customers. Therefore, the rule is used to help managers identify and determine which operating factors are most important and should receive the most attention, based on an efficient use of resources.
Office Quotes and Sayings
“No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.” —Damien Fahey
“Goodness and hard work are rewarded with respect.” —Luther Campbell
“Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work.” —Bette Davis
“When People in sales are at work, they are at war.” —Honeya
“I have so much paperwork I’m afraid my paperwork has paperwork.” —Gabrielle Zevin
“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” —Groucho Marx
“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” —Helen Keller
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” —Oscar Wilde
“Coming together is a beginning keeping together is progress Working together is success.” —Henry Ford
“Talent means nothing, while experience, acquired in humility and with hard work, means everything.” —Patrick Suskind
“Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.” —George S. Kaufman
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” —Ogden Nash
“If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.” —David Brent
“No great achiever even those who made it seem easy ever succeeded without hard work.” —Jonathan Sacks
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” —Charles Lamb
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” —Jerome K. Jerome
“Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” —Swami Sivananda
“One of the things people did best at the office was to use flexibility to its last atom.” —Pawan Mishra
“Inspiration is the windfall from hard work and focus. Muses are too unreliable to keep on the payroll.” —Helen Hanson
“Office Signs are glamorous yet subtle indicators, which reminds us who are who and what is what.” —Nikita Dudani
“Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” —Don Herold
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” —Joe Girard
“Do the things you like to be happier, stronger & more successful. Only so is hard work replaced by dedication.” —Rossana Condoleo
“I truly believe the wireless mouse was invented so people at work had one less thing to hang themselves with.” —Mike Vanatta
“The office is like an army, and I’m the field general. You’re my foot soldiers and customer quality is the war!!!” —David Brent
“This struggle and scramble for office, for a way to live without work, will finally test the strength of our institutions.” —Abraham Lincoln
“Choose your company the way you choose your life partner; after all, you spend more time in the company than with your life partner.” —Ravi Kapilavai
“I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it, because when they fired me, I had to show up to work anyway.” —Wally Wang
“A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.” —Anonymous
“During rough time in a Business, a Leader should act like a ship captain. His first and foremost priority should be to put his employees to security before thinking of his own welfare.” —Indy Bissessur